You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
