and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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