My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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