covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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