If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
