There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You don't make any sense
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