I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
