i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
