The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
