He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
