quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
