wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
