I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
well you can't waste a boner
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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