My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
