Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
