Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
