There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
