I wish my penis had an off switch
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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