No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
