he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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