My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
