Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
