Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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