Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
