My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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