i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
