ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
