He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
