He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
