if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
