smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
