I hate all girls vehemently.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
