maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
