so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
