P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
