her vagine was all disorganized.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
