It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
