My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
