I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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