we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
