I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
