new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
