Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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