ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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