Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
