Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
