You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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