trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
