White coat. Heels.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
