woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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